The Army needs a rock band.

Wired describes this actual proposal to hire a rock band to perform for troops overseas. It’s ridiculous, preposterous and hilarious, and the evaluation procedure takes all the fun out of rock ‘n’ roll.

Professional Celebrity Rock Music Band, group not to exceed seven people for tour of FOB’s [forward operating bases] in Kuwait and Afghanistan for February 4-13 2008. The band should be an active rock band, with a music genre consisting of Southern Rock, Pop Rock, Post-Grunge and Hard Rock. At least one member of the band should be recognizable as a professional celebrity. Protective military equipment, such as kevlar, body armour, eye and ear protection will be provided when the group is travelling on military rotary or fixed wing aircraft.

So get working on your Southern Pop Post-Grunge Hard Rock songs today, kids! (Remember that classic “Gimme Three Here We Go In Bloom to Heaven”? I loved that song.) Fake up the rest of the references, they won’t know the difference. Honestly, get the PDF, the whole thing is a hoot.

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