I shall forthwith present some theories for what cool is and how to measure it. Remember, this is my blog. If you have an opinion, get your own blog. Don’t cost nothin.
1. Cool is entirely subjective. Like all such things, what I think is cool you may not think is cool. This means that I am always right and can never be wrong, but the same goes for you.
2. Things have inherent coolness. The PS3 is cool because it’s a big, metallic-looking black thing. The Wii, on the other hand, is a little, plastic-looking white thing. Ferrari race cars are red, and that makes them cooler than Audi race cars, which are silver. The iPhone is cool because it has a reconfigurable touch screen that replaces the keyboard, and the other moron phone designers don’t get this.
3. When cool people like things, they get cooler. Grace Slick once bought a Ferrari for cash, right on the showroom floor. I think Grace is cool. You may think she’s a drunk old hippie. Because Grace bought a Ferrari, that makes the Ferrari cooler. In fact, the Ferrari’s coolness makes Grace cooler too. If the Ferrari was a red one, that’s even cooler. Cool increases by association with other cool things.
4. When uncool people like things, they get uncooler. If you think Queen Elizabeth II is cool, then when she goes bowling on the Wii, that makes the Wii cooler. I honestly can’t make a call on this one. I’m pretty sure that the Queen gets cooler when she plays Wii, at least in comparison to other world leaders. If I found out that George Bush played Rock Band, I think I would burn my copy.
5. Cool is relative. The Queen of England is cooler than the President of the United States because she plays Wii. Also, she has an iPod and updates her cell phone regularly (get an iPhone, Liz). And England doesn’t destroy the armies of other countries and collapse their governments and put them into civil wars. Well, they haven’t done that for a long time, anyway. Which is good, cause that’s uncool and doesn’t help President George’s coolness factor.