Twisted and sweet.

LWC bought me this cool big coffee cup for Christmas, although I’d say it’s usable year-round. If you can’t read the type, on the outside above the candy cane it says, “twisted and sweet,” and inside it says, “like you.”

Sexpresso in Seattle.

Dammit, right after I leave town, they start dressing baristas in fetish outfits. You know the girls have to bend over at the drive through, right? I could make a joke here about cream or maybe frothed milk, but you guys can add that yourself. How to make a $4 cup of coffee worth $4. This coffee is HOT!

I almost ran out of coffee.

When we arrived in Lakewood, Colorado, I couldn’t find my coffee maker, the DRX5. I have to have a cup of coffee every morning, or I get a headache. I’m not addicted, I read that on the web. I just kind of like coffee too much.

So I made life miserable for LWC and Dr. Heimlich, because every morning I had to find coffee somewhere. I even resorted to Starbucks Doubleshots from the convenience store. I’m not addicted, I read that on the web.

Shortly thereafter, I found my beloved coffee maker, and all was well throughout the Front Range. However, I recently ran low and found myself at a downtown Starbucks. The 16th Street Mall is about a mile of downtown that has dozens of stores and eateries. It also has six Starbucks.

A Starbucks sells coffee beans, they don’t sell ground coffee. They’ll grind it for you for free, but you have to tell them how. There are several ways to do it. “Espresso or brewed?” was the first question. Then she asked me, “Cone or flat bottom?” Fearing that was as personal a question as it sounded, I quickly realized she was referring to my coffee filter.

I have been drinking my brewed flat-bottom grind coffee this week and it’s really good. Maybe it’s a little coarser than what I buy at the grocery, but it seems to be tastier. Who doesn’t want custom ground coffee for free?

I told the barista that maybe I should get a grinder at home and grind my own every morning. She told me that she grinds her coffee the night before, to let the natural oils take some time to come to the surface. Ooh, coffee tech. She said this is called “out gassing.” Mmm, yummy.

Dogs and cats living together.

McDonald’s now offers what they call “premium coffee,” which is to say it’s not the watered-down drivel they used to sell. I was surprised to find that they only offer the new, stronger coffee and don’t have an option to choose the old lame stuff.

Starbucks now offers breakfast sandwiches at selected locations, with plans to expand the service. English muffin toasted egg sandwiches sound good with my morning mocha.

Where will this all end? Will Starbucks get a clown? Will McDonald’s start playing Norah Jones music?

DRX5 FTW.

I am the proud owner of a DRX5 Mr. Coffee 4-cup Switch Coffemaker. It makes me 2 cups of coffee at a time, because a “cup” of coffee = 5 ounces, and everybody has cups bigger than that now. I’m not sure what “switch” means, probably it used to own a Windows machine, or some Transamerica kind of thing.

My old coffeemaker was a Black & Decker Cup-at-a-Time that my Mom had. It only made one cup at a time (duh) and I could only use certain cups with it since it had no carafe and brewed right into the cup. Now I can use any cup I like, even my Domo-Kun cup. Joy!

In Bellevue, I had a standard 12-cup coffeemaker, and could never figure out how to make just 2 cups of coffee with it, so I wasted coffee every day. The DRX5 is perfect for my needs, since LWC is not a coffee drinker.

It’s black and silver, which goes with the other appliances in our kitchen. I was swayed to purchase when I noticed the supercool DRX5 nomenclature, which sounds like a Mazda sports car.

Those of you who have the Mr. Coffee Iced Tea maker, you can find replacement pitchers here. No, Mr. Coffee didn’t pay me for this post, but I bet it shows up in the Google ads.

My life as a barista.

I needs me a cup of coffee every day. Sometimes I don’t have another one all day, but I need one to hold off the coffee headache. This is not caffeine addiction, according to some article I read on the web which I agreed with and therefore remembered.

I have a Black and Decker Cup-at-a-time™ coffee maker, which belonged to my Mom. LWC doesn’t drink coffee, so it would be a terrible waste to make a pot of any size, and this thing is just perfect. It has a permanent filter, so it’s really easy to use. Unfortunately, I make coffee early in the morning before I’m awake, so I’ve screwed it up lots of different ways.

Zen Coffee – I forget to put coffee in the basket. Coffee with no coffee. Aka hot water.

Amish Coffee – I’ve cleaned the thing and forgot to plug it back in. Very disappointing, no burbling noises at all.

Volcano Coffee – The filter basket doesn’t align properly and the grounds leak out the side and everywhere.

Dry Coffee – I forget to put the water in. Eerie steam noises issue from leftover water inside, sounding like an angry cat.

Alzheimer’s Coffee – I forget to push the button, which is a possible variation of all these types.

I should open a coffee shop and charge four bucks a cup. Where else can you get coffee like this?

Wal-Mart not reading for content.

Starbucks is trying to be Wal-Mart, and Wal-Mart is not doing a very good job of being Wal-Mart. Starbucks has refused to carry Bruce Springsteen’s new album because of an anal sex reference. Interestingly, Wal-Mart is still carrying the album, so I guess that when the Wal-Mart censors check out everything to make sure it’s Safe For America, sometimes they miss things.